Sparks fly
by xxjonasangelxx
Summary: Songfic. From Spencers point of view about how SSA Aaron Hotchner makes him feel. H/R, Slash based around the lyrics to Taylor Swift's song Sparks Fly


The way you move is like a full on rainstorm  
And I'm a house of cards  
You're the kind of reckless  
That should send me runnin'  
But I kinda know that I won't get far

We were both reasonably responsible people, we both had jobs that entitled for us to be so but when we were alone there was a kind of recklessness that took over Aaron Hotchner, the man to whom I had secret feeling for, for as long as I can remember... well no that's not strictly true but my logical brain isn't going to talk me out of what my heart feels. He became childish, not in the usual sense with being playful and things like that but he would make more rude or stupid jokes the ones the rest of the team rarely got to here and most of the time they were directed at me anyway. He was so full on sometimes I could almost see the storm raging within his eyes as he looked at me.

There were moments when I would look at him and I could swear the emotions within him were bringing him close to tears, but he was so well guarded, so well hidden that to those who possibly didn't know him like me and the rest of the team they would say he had no sense of humour... that he was a bit of a hard worker but that isn't make me want to stop being his friend, it probably should but then when was our job ever easy and if I can take even a little of his pain away by making him see that someone can look past his everyday unemotional state to him then I'd gladly do it.

And you stood there in front of me  
Just close enough to touch  
Close enough to hope you couldn't see  
What I was thinking of

We were in a middle of a pretty bad case, lots of murders, lots of suspects, lots of wasted time and it had ended up with us running through a park in the middle of a storm to catch the unsub, all the details taking mere minutes to circle in my head. My long wet hair clung to my face in a kind of stickiness I knew I was going to have a nightmare to brush out later. Morgan took the unsub away and the rest of the team along with the few officers from the local PD following them as they sent orders to make sure the unsub and all the evidence convicting him were safely and correctly handled.

I looked down at the lake that run through the middle of the park from the bridge in which I stood on as the rain heavily hit the body of water. I didn't care about a cold or getting ill, the rain was beautiful (even if my brain could tell me exactly how it seemed to look that way).

"Reid?" I physically jumped at my name. I had thought I was alone... to have a few moments myself with a beautiful view. My heart was racing so fast as he stepped beside me looking down at the river with me. Our arms only an inch apart. He didn't say anything but I saw the content smile on his face which only seemed to make the dizziness in my head and the beating of my heart take more control of me. I hoped he couldn't hear the beating of my heart over the light hammer of the rain but worst of all I hoped he could see the blush on my face as I thought of how good he looked wet from head to toe.

Drop everything now  
Meet me in the pouring rain  
Kiss me on the sidewalk  
Take away the pain

I knew he was deep in thought and the thoughts were ones of deep concern to him. I know we always promised to not profile each other but with my job and profiling being my way of surviving most things it's become second nature so I noticed the stress in his body language straight away. I didn't want to disturb him and as minutes continued to tick on by my mind started to wonder.

I thought about him walking over to me, much like he just had in the rain and kissed me so passionately I almost slipped on the wet path. To make me feel as if my pain is worth suffereing because he was there to take it away. Hotch will never know it but he was the reason I am able to avoid the temptation of drugs on a day to day bases because he was more intoxicating than any drug will ever be and when he stood this close to me I could almost imagine what it would be like to not mind myself worrying about that cravings or the pain not having the drugs caused because it was the small illogical hope in my heart and at the back of my mind that took control of me and made me feel like anything was possible.

'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile  
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down  
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

There were other moments when my hope was almost blinding to reality and most of the time that was because Hotch was having an effect on me with his smile. it was stupid of me to let such a small thing effect me but his smiles were so rare I cherished each and everyone, even the ones he sent me in concern or sadness. He looked 10 years younger when he smiles, his green eyes shone so brightly when he smiled and I can't remember ever regretting what sacrfices I would make upon myself just to see that very sight.

When I looked at him as the rain blurred my vision of him slightly and I pushed my hair back for the 7th time in so many minutes I caught him smiling at me and when the smile shone in his eyes like it did so rarely I swore the rain turned into sparks... not literal sparks because that was impossible. But as the sun started to set in the distance the sun light caught the rain and river beautifully and the water looked like little sparks flying all around us and I knew that was the thing in which Hotch was smiling at and the only thing more beautiful than the sparks was the smile in Aaron's eyes.

My mind forgets to remind me  
You're a bad idea  
You touch me once and it's really something,  
You find I'm even better than you imagined I would be.

There were times when I le t my hope and dreams take over my logical thinking and that was when I noticed it, even my own mind was trying to tell me tell Hotch how I felt but the fear or rejection and the repercussions of that rejection would hurt so many people because I would not be able to control the want to the drugs... I would not be able to fake the smile I did as I let my believed unending knowledge that helped with a case take control. I would not be able to look my boss, my friend, my 'crush' in the eye without feeling hurt upon belief.

Hotch must have noticed that my thoughts were painful ones because his hand rested on my shoulder as we continued to watch the scene before us. I don't know why he stood here so long with... surely he had case details to go over, files to pack before we headed home... Officer's to shake hands with and thank. He smiled at me with that familiar concerned smile and I sighed deeply as I felt the shiver run through me from his touch and I hoped beyond home he would just think It was from how wet my clothes were as he continued to pour down with rain. I wanted to tell him, I wanted him to see I'd be the support he needed... I'd let him have complete control of how fast our relationship went, I wouldn't force myself upon him or Jack who I knew was a big factor in every personal decision he made. I let him take the physical and emotional things that a relationship intaled to the speed and strength that he was comfortable enough with and it frustrated me to think that he couldn't see what I was willing to do for him.

I'm on my guard for the rest of the world  
But with you I know it's no good  
And I could wait patiently but I really wish you would...

It was amusing in a bittersweet way to me how I could be so open with him, I could tell him when I'd had a bad day with the drugs or the babysitting of Henry or something on the case that had gotten to me and he'd listen like he did whenever a team member was in upset and needed someone to talk to. To anyone who asked I was just being honest about my emotions to him because was my boss because with our job being mentally stable is one of the most important things but to me (and only me) I was opening up to the one person I cared more about than even my mother and the rest of the team. The team were great and I did share something with them but I never cried as much as I did around Hotch, I was never so honest... so why with all that honesty could he not see I was head over heels in love with him? or did he just chose not to see it?

Either way I wish he'd say something... I can be patient I have been for the last 8 years since the Day Gideon had introduced me to Aaron and my crush bloomed for him. But with each passing day I was getting tried of this inner battle and the want (no more like need) for him to realize how I felt about him was becoming more and more consuming to me.

"Reid?" My thoughts being interrupted again I slightly jump and my arm that had been rested so close to his finial touched his.

"H-Hotch?" He smiled at my nervousness like he always did.

"We gotta get going or they'll sent out a search party" I nodded and we slowly started walked towards the edge of the park which had a car park practically hidden from sight.

Drop everything now  
Meet me in the pouring rain  
Kiss me on the sidewalk  
Take away the pain

We had made it almost to the SUV when Aaron's hand grabbed my shoulder

"Spencer" hearing my first name sent sparks through me and I almost dared to home.

"Yes Aaron?" He smiled softly at me at the use of his first name.

"There is something I've wanted to tell you for years... but with Hayley and Jack and Foryet I just haven't had the time or energy to think it over properly. I like you, a lot" He took 2 long strides and his lips were more inches from mine.

"I hope you don't hate me after this..." He leaned in slowly as if telling to pull away if I didn't like him, that I didn't want this but I leaned in myself as if teasing him to tell me he changed his mind. As our lips met a electricity ran through me, like something had been awoken within me. A passionate beast who wanted nothing more than the man who was kissing me. As I pulled away desperate for Aaron he stood there our bodies so close they were touching.

"So.." He said still trying to catch his breath "Does this mean you feel the same way or were you just trying to kill my nicely?" I laughed aloud at that but I knew was stopping him from enjoying the sarcasm in the statement.  
"Aaron you have no idea... how long I'd wished you'd do that, though you being so close and being completely soaked is only making me colder" He lets out a breath of relief and then lets his hand find mine and I realised for the first time I was smiling crazily with no regrets, no reasons to be happy other than the fact that I could forget my pains and worries and just enjoy the beginning in what I hoped to be a very long and happy relationship.

'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile  
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down  
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile'

On the plane back home I sat besides JJ with Derek and Hotch opposite us. I had been trying to concentrate on the same line of the book for the last half an hour but every time I did I could see Hotch giving me a smile that told me I should either be very happy or very wierded out and the more he gave me that look the more it was becoming the latter. Giving up with reading I threw the book on the table that the laptop usually sat on.

"Giving up reading Reid?" My eyes met Hotch's as I answered his questions

"Well I can't concentrate so.." JJ asked as he looked over the folder she was reading to me.

"Reid you usually can read a book in 10 seconds why so distracted?" I sighed

"I don't know... my hearts racing and I can't seem to calm down" I run my hands through my still wet hair. Aaron was giving me a devious look that I knew was going to be the source of many dreams to come, it was like I was begging him to make me feel something so I could not miss him so much when he was around. It was like I wanted him starring at me licking his lips (the team being annoyingly obvious to it all) just so I could feel sexually aroused enough to get me through the wanting him in public. JJ rested her hand on my wrist and felt my pulse.

"Gosh Reid, it's like you're running a marathon" That sent a new glint in Aaron eyes and I groaned in frustrations.

"Why me, why now.." I mumbled to myself, Aaron cut in.

"Maybe you're just a little over worked after those hours in the rain and your body is coming down so it's just making you feel on edge because you're heart is trying to calm down" It was a logical reason but I was the tease in him that said 'you don't believe that and neither do I' and then there was the smile he was giving me, it would look like that of a content smile to anyone else but I saw the way his slips seemed to quiver with whatever sexual thought was running through his head at that time.

I run my fingers through your hair and watch the lights go wild.  
Just keep on keeping your eyes on me, it's just wrong enough to make it feel right.  
And lead me up the staircase  
Won't you whisper soft and slow?  
I'm captivated by you, baby, like a firework show.

We bid each other goodnight as we left the plane, Morgan heading back to Quantico to pick up Garcia for their usually friday night ritual of movies, popcorn and denial of feelings. Rossi offered Emily and JJ a lift home and I slowly walked towards the 3rd SUV with Aaron. As we climbed into the car I smacked his arm hard enough to let him know I was serious but not enough to hurt him

"Do you know how horrible that was? Do you realize they all could have figured it out right there and then" He started driving and it too several minutes before he spoke again

"Spencer I'm sorry... it's just see you sitting there obviously affected by the way I was looking at you would arousing me in ways I probably shouldn't admit so early on in our relationship" I smiled softly at him.

"And those looks are fine if you're just doing it for a few seconds but you were doing it the whole darn flight and I had to practically beg Rossi to let me lie down the 3 seater to make you stop. I've wanted you to look at me like that for so long Aaron... I'm just scared if someone else sees it or admits it you'll realize just how stupid you're being and run a mile" He smiled softly at me

"If anyone found out, I declare my feelings for you as strongly as I had that kiss yesterday night" Silence over took us at that moment and I was just glad to have a few moments to get myself and my heart beat under control. It took me till we pulled up outside Hotch's house that I realised he had no intend on letting me go home tonight. Too tired and content with life to argue I grabbed the go back from the back seat and follow him into the house.

"Jack is around Jess's because I didn't know how long I was going to be on the case..." He took my bag from my hand and grabbed my hand with his other and then lead me up the stairs and into his room. He placed the bag down by his bed and with his hand still intertwined with mine he pulled me closer to him and kissed my forehead and ran this free hand through my still slightly damp hair pushing it gently out of my face sending a tingling throw me where his fingers touched.

He was about to pull away, to turn and get ready to bed but I grabbed his chin and turned him to look at me, not to kiss him or anything else but to just see something in his eyes to tell me this wasn't a dream.. that my boss, my friend... the man to whom I have given my heart to for so many year likes me back. It was wrong I knew that.. I don't meant the gay thing, now-a-days gay couples are just as common couples if you looked hard enough, but I meant the whole 'risk you job for love thing'

"Are you sure you want to do this? I can just walk away now... you don't have to risk your job or the income that supports you and your son and we can go about our jobs as if none of this happened" Hotch's eyes flickered with the kind of pain I'd only seen once or twice in him... the first being when Hayley was kidnapped.

"Is that what you want Spencer?" I shook my head at him

"Of course not I want to lay down in this bed, cuddle close to you and live out the dreams I've been having since I met you.. but I don't want you do this because you just want someone to hold you at night... I want you to do this because you don't care about how wrong it is and just want what you feel is right" He smiled at me

"I want nothing more than to take you in my arms and cuddle you close Spencer...we can discuss the issues and problems later I don't want to think.. " He leaned closer to me, his lips almost touching my ear

"I want to feel you in my arms" Those words captivated my heart and I knew no matter how much logical thought was trying to take control of me I was going to give in because I sure as hell wanted it and he seemed pretty content with it as well.

Drop everything now,  
Meet me in the pouring rain,  
Kiss me on the sidewalk,  
Take away the pain

I woke with a smile on my face at the dream to where I had relived the scene at the park, the kiss was wonderful and even now my pain was in a different place a place I never wanted to go there again. I was so happy with my dream I almost thought that's exactly what it was... a dream but then I felt the weight beneath my head move slightly with breathing and I realised it was Aaron's chest. He was still sound asleep I checked my watch it and it was the very early hours of the morning. I smiled in contentment letting my mine relive the last two days over and over as I snuggled closer to Aaron's welcoming muscular body... I wonder who on the team will ask me about that when they find out about us. But I pushed that thought away because the guilt was almost too much to bare.

'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile.  
Get me with those green eyes, baby, as the lights go down  
Give me something that'll haunt me when you're not around  
'cause I see sparks fly whenever you smile

I began very aware of when Aaron was awake because his hand that had been easily laying on my waist moved to my hair and started stroking it.

"Morning beautiful" He mutter and as I looked up at him, resting my chin on his chest I almost had to gasp at how gorgeous his green eyes shone at me and I realised that was how Aaron expressed himself... with his eyes, if you want to his how happy he is about something (other than the rare smiles) is in his eyes. He was smiling widely at me with that happiness only reflected his eyes and I knew he wanted this just as much as I did and I swore as the sunlight shone in the room as dawn blanked the earth I saw sparks in the air... I knew they were just dust particles but that didn't make the way they shone any less pretty and as I leaned up and kissed Aaron I realised just how good I had life now and I wasn't going to regret of take for granted any of it... especially this special man laying next to me.


End file.
